By Paul West
(Reprinted with permission from the Eastern Catholic Life)
We may hear, at times, a pregnant woman joyfully exclaim, 鈥淪ure, I鈥檒l have an extra聽little sliver of pie…after all…I am eating for two!鈥� What a joyous feeling! To know that聽one is nourishing creation within oneself brings awe and wonder, but also a sense of聽responsibility. 鈥淓ating for two鈥� also means that whatever food one eats, the other is聽eating as well. The same can be said for a man discerning a married vocation to the聽priesthood.
Discerning a vocation to ordained ministry is serious business, regardless of whether聽this discernment involves marriage or celibacy; however, what the married man鈥攐r the聽to-be- married man鈥攎ust keep in mind is that he is, knowingly or not, 鈥渄iscerning for聽two.鈥� During the discernment process, a man鈥檚 wife is discerning the vocation in the聽same manner he is. The road to a married priestly vocation is not one that is walked聽alone. Every step of the way鈥攆rom the realization that the Holy Spirit is calling, through聽seminary and throughout priestly ministry鈥攖he couple is discerning together. The聽discerning man must keep constant vigilance in regard to the spiritual food of which he聽partakes, as his wife and children also partake of the same. It is not a reality and life of聽one-sided decrees and demands, requirements and edicts, concessions, and sacrifices.聽The couple, married or engaged, must be in a continuous physical and spiritual dialogue聽in order that the vocation be nurtured and bear its true fruit. It is not about me. It is not聽about you. There is no I… only us. As the man grows in his vocation, so does his wife聽and family. Their concerns belong to each other, as do their prayers, sacrifices, joy, and聽sorrow. The idea that the couple鈥檚 discernment is not mutually exclusive to its individual聽members affords the couple strength and support, while enlightening all of us to the聽realization: it is not all about me!
As Christians, we are a people of discernment. What does God want from my life?聽Do I want to be married or pursue the Christian vocation of a single person? Am I being聽called to a life of celibacy? Perhaps a monastic calling is where the Holy Spirit is聽guiding me? Am I living a truly Christian life? These are all questions that have聽crossed our minds at some point in time. Regardless of how these questions are聽answered, we must be aware that the Holy Spirit is working within each and every one聽of us. Bringing our thoughts of discernment from 鈥渉ow does this affect me?鈥� to a聽broader sense of how our individual life affects the greater community around us gives a聽new perspective. By expanding our thoughts, we help to keep that ever-pesky ego in聽check. Married or celibate, young or old, it is always positive to reflect upon the聽following: am I pursuing this because this is what 鈥淚 WANT鈥� or am I truly opening myself聽to the Holy Spirit? Just as the married couple supports one another in the discernment聽of a priestly vocation, Christ supports us all as we discern how we can best live a life聽suited to His teaching. Be comforted to know that none of us walk the road of聽discernment alone. If we keep Christ at the center of our discernment, nourishing the聽seeds that the Holy Spirit cultivates, we are all 鈥渄iscerning for two.鈥�